Good Medicine

If you are ever having a day when you don't just feel right or like yourself, spend a day with children at a park and your will be cured.

That is just what I did over the weekend, I went down to southern Iowa to visit my son and 3 1/2 year old twins. I always have a good time with them and this weekend I really needed a good time.

They kept me busy, doing all the things grandmas do with grandchildren. We played outside, we chased each other, we ate Cheetos, got out the little bikes, played ball, picked apples, played with the kitties, played with my dogs, picked up acorns, colored and all other kinds of fun things. They make a grandma laugh and that is the best medicine.

We went to the park Sunday before I headed home and they had so much fun and I did just watching them. They slid down slides, went on the teeter totter, got in the swings to go up to the sky, climbed ladders, and just plain had a good time. They started to slow down towards the end, but I was slowing down long before them, I just tried not to show it. Brandon and Machelle did most of the work and I just enjoyed the fun.



A good dose of medicine for the week is what I got. They brighten my day and make me feel good. Their smiles light up the place.

I got good news from the MRI and CAT Scan yesterday. No cancer anywhere except where they originally found it so that makes things easier. Now I meet with cancer doctor Thursday afternoon and we will figure out what the next step is. Whatever he says, I always have the smiles and hugs of my grandchildren to give me the best dose of medicine there is. "I love you Gramma Nee Nee" they say as we say good night or good bye. "Love you also my little ones".

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting

So what do you mean by Waiting Denise? What I mean is all I do is wait for answers everyday, whether it is in my personal life or what other thing is going on with me. I am working on that big word PATIENCE yet. Some days I have it some days I don't.

Today I had a CAT Scan again to check if cancer is in any other organ. I had to have another IV so they could inject the dye. She did good, she found my one and only vein so we could do the IV. I have not had good luck with IV's in the past and this one worked great. Could it be so many others and myself have been praying hard over all of this? I believe so. The CAT Scan went well, didn't take but 15 minutes and then they take me to another part of the hospital for a MRI. They asked me if I was afraid of closed in places, I really don't know but didn't want to take any chances. I was given a mild sedative and of course had to wait to see if worked. About 15 minutes later the assistant came back to me and asked if it was working. I really didn't feel any different but I do believe it did.

She takes me back to the MRI machine, I have a gown on and am told to lay down on the table. This procedure was going to take 45 minutes. They were scanning my brain to make sure cancer hasn't gone there. I had some sort of helmet put on me with lots of padding so I would not move my face. They also put ear plugs in because this machine makes lots of noise they said. She asked me if I would like a cloth to put over my eyes so I would not have to see how close the conditions are in the MRI, I said I did because I really didn't want to see it.

So after I am all tucked in tight, arms resting on cushions I am slowly moving into the tunnel of the MRI. Since I did not see anything, I was doing okay. The air was nice and cool which made me happy. I guess I was sedated a little because as the 45 minutes went by, with all the clanking and noises it makes, I found myself dozing. Felt really nice to relax, my mind drifting to places I didn't have to worry about. I could hear her tell me how long each picture was going to take, but I didn't worry about it. I even caught myself snoring a little at one point.

In the middle of the procedure they had to bring me out so they could inject dye into the IV. I didn't even feel it. Back in I went and before you know it they were bringing me out and it was all done. Not bad at all.

I have heard so many bad things about MRI's, I am one to say for me it was not a bad experience. I stayed calm knowing God was right there beside me also. He held my hand and told me it would be alright. I trust him.

As I was walking out of the room to leave, my friend Brenda was waiting for me with a smile. She bought me a bottle of water because I had nothing after 9:00 a.m. She is great. She is my right hand. I was a little hungry so we got something to eat on the way home. It sure tasted good.

The feeling after the MRI is somewhat like a long Sunday afternoon nap, when you sleep really deep and just don't want to wake up but have to. Well that is how it felt for me. When I got home I slept an hour, very sound in fact. Decided I should go see my mother at the nursing home and then came home to fix supper. I am still very tired so I am now going to go to bed. I am going to sleep very well tonight.

Thanks for the prayers today. I waited all weekend for this day to come and now I have to wait until Thursday to meet with the cancer doctor to see what is next. More waiting. Keep praying for good test results and a miracle. Thank you all and God bless.

ALRIGHTY THEN

So what do I mean by ALRIGHTY THEN?

To me if means, okay, alright, I have a diagnosis and the doctor said cancer. I can deal with that so let's get moving. No more wondering why I have felt so tired and fatigued for several months. Now I have a reason for the feelings going on in my body. For awhile I thought I might be going crazy because I just couldn't pin point what was wrong.

I have been doing some serious thinking and who doesn't when given something to deal with like this. I am no longer sad after the first day of crying until I had no more tears. I didn't think that was ever possible to have no more tears but honestly, once I shed that last tear day before I haven't (for now).

Yesterday I woke up feeling a lightness on my chest. As I was driving to work I was saying my prayers, that is my favorite time. Something hit me smack in the face and now I finally get it.

You see I tend to be a person who really wants to help others more than think about myself and I have been doing this for so long. I never felt like I was worthy of someone doing something for me because I am here to help them and to make their life better if I can. I really never take the time to LOVE myself like I do others. Therefore I could not see how others really do love me, until this all happened. I never put myself first, always the other person and I have neglected me. I never felt I could let my guard down, I don't like being hurt so it is better to put others first and not pay attention to Denise.

Well the words just flew at me while I was saying my prayers in the car, YOU ARE LOVED. NOW IT IS TIME TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, LET OTHERS HELP YOU! It hit me square dab in the middle of my prayers. I stopped and said "ALRIGHTY THEN" I get it. You don't have to tell me again. I will accept this love and help. I will lean on others when I need support and I will be grateful. What a relief to know I have so many in my life that really care about ME! It is exciting. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders because now I don't have to do this alone, which is what I tend to do so I won't bother anybody with my problems.

So be prepared to hear from me when I need to talk, need a hug, need support, need a ride or whatever it might take to make things easier that day. "ALRIGHTY THEN" I get it now!

Alrighty

Day Two

Okay, this is the day after I was told by my doctor that they found cancer in my biopsy. Of course the whole night was a blurr, didn't sleep well and my mind kept wandering. It is hard not to think the What If's but it is best not to go there. I will be practicing the Law of Attraction during this time in my life more than any other time. I will be healthy and I will succeed at reaching this goal.

I got up very early today, went to work as usual. I knew it was going to be hard. I have so many friends at work, each and everyone of them came to me when they found out and hugged me, tears in their eyes, giving me tons of support. If I ever doubted that I have friends this is a true test. So many of us have our own stories with our lives, but each of them took the time to be there for me today and promise to be in the future. I am going to hold them to it. I will need them all.

The girls in my office sent me flowers to cheer me up. Of course I cried, I cry at about anything. That is how I am made. They said it was to cheer me up, it did, they were tears of happiness and gratefulness. I appreciate them all.

I got the call from my doctor for what is to come now. I go back to the hospital next Monday, September 28 for a CAT Scan to check other places and a MRI to make sure it has not spread. I will need a driver that day because I requested to be mildly sedated for the MRI. My neighbor Brenda is going to be with me that day. She is wonderful. I won't get any results back that day so it is just the scans and home.

October 1 I will be going to the cancer doctor at the Cancer Center in Mason City. Dr. Bate will be the doctor. I am told by many that he is wonderful and I have confidence in their opinion. I know he will be good. My husband Gordon will go with me that day so he can be a part of this journey.

Brandon, my son lives 225 miles from us. He calls Gordon and I frequently. It is hard being so far from the ones we love during times like this. He would be here if he could. I can depend on him for support and help as I need it also.

I don't know what to expect after I talk with Dr. Bate so I cannot worry about that. It seems like a long time away. Remember I have never had a lot of patience but God sure is testing me now. I need to change my wording now, I HAVE PATIENCE! I WILL BE PATIENT.

When I turned on the computer after I got home my Facebook page was loaded with prayers and positive thoughts. My email box was too, I am grateful for online and face to face friends for emails, phone calls and hugs. You are great.

The picture is of the beautiful flowers I received today from the girls in my office. I will enjoy them every day.

The Rest of The Story

I got up earlier than usual this morning, could not sleep anymore. My mind is thinking about a lot right now. The last two weeks have been a whirl wind for me, now I have some answers.

My doctor called me yesterday when I got home, test results are back from my biopsy. It took them longer to read them because they had to do more testing on the biopsy.

She said unfortunately it is cancer. I calmly listened, asked some questions, then asked what was next. It is going to be fast and furious now. Appointments are being made today. I will receive several calls.

I called my friends and family to tell them. I appreciate all the prayers that are being sent up for me and I pray that you all keep praying. I know I can count on each and everyone of you for support during this process.

I am not claiming this thing called CANCER. I am not even saying I have it. For all who really know me, I am a strong person. I am not going to let this get me down. I had a short pitty party for myself last night, but that is over and now I am ready to kick this in the butt. I will fight for my life. So be prepared to go along on this ride in my life. I am going to keep you all posted.

I have been through bigger things than this. God is good, he didn't do this, it is the devils work. Guess what, I rebuke that devil and he is going to get out of here fast. God will be with me all the way, my faith is strong.

My husband is worried, I can see it in his face. He will be a part in all of my decisions, he will be strong for me. My son will be also, he is a great guy. Life is going to change for awhile around here, but I am looking forward to the healing that is already coming to me. I will be ok.

Patience

I had my biopsy Wednesday and doctor said my doctor would probably have the results today and let me know. I have waited all day, never left my cell phone out of reach. No call. I know my doctor and she would have called me so I am guessing they didn't get mine read by the radiologist yet. I was looking forward to finding out what foreign object is in my gut.

I am not sick, have no pains, and really am quite healthy despite some normal things that come around at my age. I am very active and keep my brain working all the time. I love to learn. My feelings are this thing is something that can be taken care of without any problems. I feel very confident about it.

So I will continue to wait. My life has been a waiting game for quite awhile now. A year ago my mother had surgery and suffered severe brain damage due to lack of oxygen during her after care days while in the hospital. I took her to specialists to find out what happened to her. She is somewhat like how a 2 year old would act now. I have had to learn what patience is about, something I have never really had much of.

We finally got her house sold, new owner takes possession October 1 so we are in the process of cleaning out her home. It is sad, I have so many memories of my parents as they built this house. It was their dream. We have divided up most of the items we want as a family. What is left was valuable to mother. I wonder what of mine anyone would want when I die?

I try to keep clutter out of my house. I clean out closets and cupboards frequently so as not to have STUFF stashed away that I don't use. That way I am not buying things again because I can't find them.

Since mother is in the nursing home because of her brain damage, I am down to about four totes of clothing and some things that she likes to look at. How sad it is to accumulate our things to end up with so little that really matters. What does matter most is the people who love us and the people we love. Nothing else really matters at all as long as we have love.

Biopsy

This has nothing to do with being GREEN but I had to write about it because it is a part of my life. Today I had a biopsy.

Two weeks ago my doctor called and told me they found a mass during a routine scan that I had. I had the scan to check for abdominal aneurysms which is hereditary and my mother had one that they did surgery on. Doctor called at 6:45 a.m. to tell me everything was great except they found a mass between my liver and stomach.

Of course my brain started working overtime and the first thing you think about it cancer. I won't know the results for two more days. Wish I did not have to wait, but my doctor will call me right away, she is good at that.

I do not feel it is cancer, my gut feelings are it is something that can be fixed. So I will continue to think positive. I do not claim this mass.

The biopsy wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I didn't need an IV, just gave me a local, Novocaine in the abdomen, a long needle inserted and then took several samples. I had the CAT Scan there too so the doctor could see where to go. I was a little nervous at first but as the procedure progressed I didn't have any problems and really no pain.

I will let you all know when I get the results. If you could pray for me I would appreciate it. It is truly in God's hands and I have prayed healing prayers for my body.

Go Green using Shopping Tote Bags

You know what I think is really cool? I love TOTE BAGS, all these new bags are so neat to use while shopping now. I have bags of all colors and sizes, but my favorite is my new Watkins bag. It is very durable and stylish.

I use my own bags when I go shopping at the stores now to help save our landfills and I really don't need all those plastic bags taking up space in my house. I occassionally get one from a store that I didn't take my own bag into, then I use it in my garbage can.

I don't know why, but when I take my own bags I feel so good knowing that I am helping to keep our planet a little less cluttered and safer. I have even started going back to the stores that give me credit for my bags, I like that.

MORE Purging my House of Stuff

Today I am continuing what I started yesterday. My house will be clean and organized. I have already donated to freecyle and those items are now picked up and in their new home. Today I am sorting clothing that has not been worn in a long time, cleaning drawers and closets.

I really don't like doing all this work but sure is nice when it is done. If only it would stay that way. How can two people create all these messes? Does someone come in while we are gone or sleeping to bring in this stuff?

What I have today will go to Goodwill. I only take clothing and items that are in great condition. The stuff that I wouldn't wear, torn or stained, goes in the trash. Why take something that is not fit enough for me to wear, then think someone else would. I am happy that another person will be able to use these items.

So back to work before the day is over. Had to take a break. I might find something that I didn't know I even had and could use myself!

Purging My House from Stuff!

I have been in the mood to get rid of unused STUFF. I belong to a Yahoo Group called Freecycle.org, there is one for just about any county. It is a good way to recycle the items that are still in good working condition by giving it to someone else. I have also found some great items from others.

You can join by going to Yahoo Groups and type in freecycle.org in the search box. Then you can find the county or counties you want to join. I do belong to a couple. Everything must be free and the person who wants the item must make the arrangements.

I feel good knowing someone who needs these items can get them. Remember, somebodies trash is somebodies treasure!