The Cardinals

A cardinal is a representative of a loved one who has passed. When you see one, it means they are visiting you. They usually show up when you most need them or miss them. They also make an appearance during times of celebration as well as despair to let you know they will always be with you. Look for them, they'll appear.

I saw this on Facebook and had to share, it hit home to me. Now I know the story and it all makes sense.
Both of my parents loved to feed the cardinals and watch them. It brought hours of enjoyment to them. When my father passed away a cardinal took it upon himself to watch over my mother. This cardinal would peck at her window every morning to make sure she got up. It would sit on her mirror on her car and look at itself every day. I have always said it was dads way of showing her he was still around.
When my mother passed away I suddenly had 2 cardinals that showed up at my place. I have lived on this farm for 30 some years now and never had a cardinal. So I was so excited when 2 appeared a male and female. They would flutter near my big bay window and look in the house. Then I would see them out in my snowball tree, then in the feeders and when I would go outside I could hear them singing. I knew in my heart it was my parents who come to show me they are still watching over me.
I don't see them every day, but when I need them they appear. Hope you all have cardinals in your life too.

Four Years Later

Four years ago today I was given a second chance to live my life. I had surgery on this day. It all started with a diagnosis of cancer, test after test, every inch of my body scanned, poked, biopsies, trips back and forth to Mason City Iowa and Iowa City Iowa trying to find out what kind of cancer it was, not knowing at the time and no doctor could figure out how to treat what they saw. I went to Iowa City because I was not happy with the first report and wanted a second opinion. I am so glad I did, Iowa City doctors saved my life.
I literally was given a very slim chance of surviving and at one point no option for surgery to remove it. I at the time was ready for what could happen, if I didn't live then I knew it was meant to be. I had everything in order. I on the other hand was going to fight like crazy to survive. I had no doubt in my head that I wasn't going to make it.
Finally the call came after more doctors looked at all my scans and said they would do exploratory surgery. Five long hours of surgery and every inch of my insides were checked for cancer. I had 19 lymph nodes removed that were affected, 2 sections of my small intestines, my right ovary, one large tumor on the outside of my stomach, part of my liver because it had spread to that also, 3/4 my stomach and a large tumor which was the primary was removed from inside my stomach. Truthfully I don't know how I am alive today if I hadn't had faith and believed I would be okay.
I had tubes coming out of my nose, mouth, IV's, catheter, drainage tubes and more. If I could have seen myself I don't know if I could of handled it. I was kept drugged most of the time because of the pain and I was cut open from top of my chest to below my belly button. Day six they started to remove some of the tubes, the doctors still did not know for sure what kind of cancer it was. I was asked if I would donate the tumors to the University of Iowa to study, signed papers and agreed to it. If I could be helped and others that is what I wanted. Finally a diagnosis, Carcinoid Cancer. I had never heard of it before. My only treatment would be an injection called Sandostatin. I will have to have this the rest of my life. It helps with the symptoms I would experience and stops new cancer cells from growing. It will not kill any old ones that are so small that might be left behind. Dr Howe, which I give all the credit for saving my life, told me he felt they got everything. He is a hero to me.
I was in Iowa City for 9 days. Finally able to go home. It was the best words I could have heard.
Little was told to me though how to deal with this kind of cancer because it is so rare. I had to learn most of it by myself online. I found many others on Twitter and Facebook who had this also, although the statistics are only 1 in 100,000 get this kind of cancer. We talk daily, we have formed communities and support groups on Facebook and Twitter. I have learned so much from others who have this. I don't feel alone like I did when I came home.
My oncologist in Iowa City is Dr O'Dorisio. He is one of the main Carcinoid specialists in the United States. I could not be in better hands. I can get my injections in Mason City Iowa every 4 weeks but go to Iowa City 2 times a year to meet with both doctors and to have CT scans and special labs done. So far so good, am I cancer free. I was given a second chance to relive my life. I have learned to love more, play more, feel more and enjoy more of my life. There will always be problems but I know that I can trust God to help me. There is always the chance Carcinoid could come back, but in my mind I don't feel that will happen. Every day I wake I up I am thankful that I have another day on this planet to make a difference.
The ribbon for Carcinoid Cancer is zebra. Zebras are hard to train, carcinoid is hard to diagnose and treat. We are a rare bunch.
If you want to learn more about Carcinoid you can visit the website www.carcinoid.org.

What Are You Grateful For Today?

It takes practice to be grateful for something every day. It is much easier to complain or be unhappy about something than it is to be grateful for even the smallest things on some days.
I watched Oprah one day and she talked about her Gratitude Journal that she kept. I thought it was a great idea, just write down 5 things you were grateful for each day. As I attempted to write down something each day it took practice, especially when I was having a bad day or nothing seemed to pop into my head that I should be grateful for it. I started out thinking I only had to write down something big that happened that day, well not every day something big is going to happen I found out. So I started writing down little things that made me smile. Someone would tell me I looked great that day...1. I am grateful someone told me I looked great today. Then along came a person who picked up something I dropped...2. Grateful for that young man who picked up my piece of paper that I needed not to blow away in the wind. Today I didn't hurt all over with arthritis...3. I am so grateful I can walk today without hurting. This is awesome. Gas prices dropped again today...4. Wow, I am so grateful that gas prices are coming down. Took less money to fill my car today. Everyone at work was in a good mood today...5. Very grateful for a happy environment to work in today. I have a job to go to and friends to be with.
There that wasn't hard. Five things that made me smile today and I was grateful for them all. The more I write the more I find to be grateful for in a day. I could write down 10 some days. I find myself looking each day for the smallest things that bring joy to me. I feel more good is coming my way the more grateful I am.
What have you got to be grateful for today?

My Crazy Mixed Up Body

Since my last post I had just been put on insulin, 2 kinds to be exact. I fought it tooth and nail. I was determined that there must be a mistake because I was not going to give myself shots and admit that my pancreas just wasn't doing its job anymore, therefore throwing me into a full blown case of Type 2 Diabetes.

I went to the diabetic education and to be truthful I wasn't one of their best students. I knew how to eat right, who were they to tell me I had to eat a certain way, this amount of carbs each meal, when to test my blood sugars, when to give myself insulin and blah blah blah. Sure I was feeling really rotten. Was getting used to feeling like crap all the time, but the doctor informed me I would start to feel better, guaranteed it. So with much kicking and screaming I have gone into this adventure full force.

I am happy to report I am feeling 100% better, I look into the mirror and see a face I recognize again. I was starting to look real bad, puffy eyes, dull skin, very exhausted and tired looking eyes and a multitude of other things. I wasn't sure who that was in the mirror but it sure didn't look like Denise. Well all that bad stuff has left and the real me has appeared again in the mirror. Who knew insulin would make me feel and look good again. My attitude is better and I look forward to eating all the right things. Food tastes so good now. I am satisfied and blood sugars are looking real good.

I asked if I had to be on insulin for the rest of my life, yes said the doctor. She had done a certain type of blood test to measure my peptide levels which is a hormone the body makes to help make insulin. Since I had cancer surgery 4 years ago 3/4 of my stomach had been removed so the part that makes peptide was basically gone. My pancreas just couldn't take the stress anymore and was crying for help. So I have resolved to the fact that I will be taking insulin forever, but you know what? I am grateful for insulin. It has changed my life. I now know why diabetes is called the silent killer because I truthfully felt like I was ready to expire.

So onward and upward. I have conquered this dragon!

Where Have You Been Denise?

Ok I have to admit I have taken a break from writing, been dealing with lots of health issues but am now on the right track. When a person feels rotten all over and don't have answers it is time to take action. I am not giving myself permission to feel like crap all the time so onto a new plan of action.
I have been feeling very run down, fatigued, pain all over and just don't care attitude for several months. Lots of pain in my feet have kept me from walking like I like to do.

It was time for my 3 month A1C diabetes check up so went to the doctor for that. Well low and behold my blood sugar had taken a big jump in a 3 month period. Enough to make my doctor tell me we had to take a different approach to this. She set me up with a diabetic specialist right away and am I so grateful. I was headed in the wrong direction fast. Not that I eat wrong or don't take care of myself, I do all of that. I am on a monthly injection called Sandostatin for Carcinoid Cancer syndrome and the side effects of it can cause a person to become diabetic if you aren't or make things worse if you are. I have been taking pills since 2007 and they have been working, but suddenly they weren't. My pancreas has decided it no longer wants to produce insulin and a person needs insulin, just like a car needs fuel to operate, our bodies need it for fuel. The diabetic doctor was so very helpful and put me on insulin 4 times a day. She said it would take awhile to bring down my blood sugars and said I would start to feel better. I test myself before meals and bedtime, give myself my insulin which does not hurt at all. The insulin pens are a breeze. I have steadily brought down my blood sugars and am feeling better overall. I am not where I want to be yet but I am on my way and I will accomplish this goal. I am eating better than ever and even starting to walk some even though I am in pain yet. That is another story so will get to that tomorrow.
I call in my blood sugar readings every day so she can make adjustments to my dosage. Once my blood sugars get where they are supposed to be I won't have to call in all the time. I really am so grateful that I have doctors that can give me answers and work with me. I have more problems but we are taking one thing at a time so that I don't get overwhelmed with everything. Problem is I want to do it all NOW, not later! So onward and upward I go. Watch for some big changes to come. One day at a time.

Let's Talk Food!

If you like banana bread, chocolate and pecans you are going to love these muffins. Wish I had a scratch and sniff screen for you. I made these to take to work tomorrow for the girls, hope they like them. They are very easy to make and you don't need a mixer. The recipe is as follows:

Banana Bread or Muffins

1 box yellow cake mix
1/3 c oil
3 eggs
3-4 medium bananas

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees

Mash the bananas and then add the rest of the ingredients. Stir with a large spoon until mixed well. At this point you can make plain banana bread or muffins but I like to dress it up a bit so added a 12 oz package chocolate chips and 1/2 c chopped pecans. You can use walnuts if you don't like pecans or you don't have to put nuts in if you don't like them. I then put cupcake papers in my muffin tins, this made 24. Baked them for 30 minutes or until lightly browned on top and inserted a tooth pick in the middle, if it comes out clean they are done.

Remove them from the pans and placed them on a cooling rack. Of course who wants to wait until they are cool! The chocolate chips melted in the middle right from the oven is the best. Enjoy!



http://DenisePassehl.norwex.biz
http://denisepassehl.jamberrynails.net
https://www.mythirtyone.com/DenisePassehl/