My Two Days in Iowa City

For those of you who have been following me now as I go along this journey in my life since I was diagnosed with cancer, this will tell you what is to come and what I did while in Iowa City for two days.

On my last visit with the Iowa City doctor he scheduled me for a Nuclear Medicine Imaging Scan to detect if there was anymore tumors or cancer cells in my body. Below is a description of what Nuclear Medicine is. The scan on Thursday took 1 hour and the scan on Friday took 1 1/2 hours. My arms were strapped to my body and a Velcro cover was placed over me so I felt like I was in a cocoon. I found it hard to breath because it was tightly wrapped around me. The scan machine was very close to my body and the tip of my nose was very close to touching the machine. I had my whole body scanned. Read this and you will understand what the test is:

What Is Nuclear Medicine
Nuclear medicine specialists use safe, painless, and cost-effective techniques to image the body and treat disease. Nuclear medicine imaging is unique, because it provides doctors with information about both structure and function. It is a way to gather medical information that would otherwise be unavailable, require surgery, or necessitate more expensive diagnostic tests. Nuclear medicine imaging procedures often identify abnormalities very early in the progress of a disease?long before many medical problems are apparent with other diagnostic tests.

Nuclear medicine uses very small amounts of radioactive materials (radiopharmaceuticals) to diagnose and treat disease. In imaging, the radiopharmaceuticals are detected by special types of cameras that work with computers to provide very precise pictures about the area of the body being imaged. In treatment, the radiopharmaceuticals go directly to the organ being treated. The amount of radiation in a typical nuclear imaging procedure is comparable with that received during a diagnostic x-ray, and the amount received in a typical treatment procedure is kept within safe limits.

Today, nuclear medicine offers procedures that are essential in many medical specialties, from pediatrics to cardiology to psychiatry. New and innovative nuclear medicine treatments that target and pinpoint molecular levels within the body are revolutionizing our understanding of and approach to a range of diseases and conditions.

I also had blood work done and then a visit with the doctor. The first doctor came in and told me this was a very serious cancer and did not think surgery was an option. He said chemo would be the only way to treat it and it would be a hard one to treat. Did not give me much hope. My heart sank and I was almost in shock. He told me he would have 2 more doctors look at the tests to see what their opinion was and told me he would contact my doctor in Mason City to set up treatments.

I walked into the hall holding my tears back. My friend Dixie was with me and I could not hold it back anymore. I was trying to be so strong but I was in shock. She held me as I cried. She tried to comfort me but words were not there except to trust God.

As we got to the car I could not talk and we headed someplace to eat and discuss what was next. It wasn't long and I got a call from the doctor and he said he had shown it to the other cancer doctors and they disagreed with him completely. They said surgery was what they would do and then treat it. He apologized to me and said that is why they have such a good team, they help each other. So he said he would call me back after more was discussed.

I got another call while we were eating and he said he talked to a surgeon and he said he thought it was very removable and they could remove the tumor and the 2 spots on my liver. At first the doctor said they would have to do a complete open surgery but the surgeon said they could do it laproscopic. Things were starting to look better now. He wanted to know where I would like to have the surgery done. I asked him what he would do and he said he would want whoever did it to make sure they got it all. I thought about it for awhile, called my husband and he reminded me that Mason City did not want to do surgery on me and would not touch it. I called the Iowa City doctor back and told him I would have it done there since they are the ones who know what it is now and what to do. I began to feel a lightness in my chest and felt there was more hope now. I remembered Dixie's words, trust God.

I have an appointment Wednesday with the surgeon for a consultation. I suppose I will have to have a physical and then set up the surgery. So until then I continue to need your prayers and support. I also need to remember to TRUST GOD.

Shooting Stars & God

I bet you wonder what has this got to do with anything! Well I am about to tell you about something amazing and wonderful to me.

This all started when I was young. My father loved nature and astrology. He taught us to respect God's creations and taught his grandchildren the same. God gave us this beautiful planet. Over the years I have learned to communicate with the earth and stars, what I am about to tell you is something that has happened to me.

When my father died in 1997 I needed a way to communicate with him to let him know I would be okay and to tell him how much I loved him. So I decided each evening to look up at the stars that he taught us about and pray to God for my father to hear me. Guess what, he did. Every time I would go outside in the dark evening hours before I would go to bed I would look up, say hello and the shooting stars would start. The first time brought tears to my eyes. He heard me! I was so excited and continued to do this often. Each time shooting stars would start.

One evening I had my niece with me staying overnight, she was younger and a very smart young lady. I told her about my experience and I asked her if she would like to say hello to grandpa. We went outside, looked up to the sky, said "Hello grandpa" and stars just started shooting all over. She was holding my hand and as we stood there watching the sky. She knew then that he was watching over her also.

So over the years I continue to do this but not as often as I did at first. This morning I got up early like I usually do, 5:00 a.m. I stepped outside to breath in the fresh air and see if the rain had stopped. As I looked up to the sky I was amazed at the beautiful sky full of bright shining stars. We have not seen them in awhile because it has been raining for days and days. This morning it was so clear and sharp, the air smelling of fall.

I decided to say my prayers and thank God for being in my life during this stressful time since I found out about the cancer. I told him how grateful I am and glad he is in my life. Guess what? Three shooting stars just like that. At that moment I knew my father and God are both watching over me and that I will be okay. I never had any doubt in the first place. This just showed me that I needed to communicate in the way I was taught many years ago with the universe and God. He sends his message in mysterious ways and we just need to watch for them. I look forward to many more conversations.

More Tests in Iowa City

I am back from a day in Iowa City to get a second opinion about my cancer. My friend Dixie took me and she is a blessing. She knew her way around like a pro because she had been there with her husband when he went through his cancer. I am blessed to have her as a friend.

Everything was there for me so I did not have to take anything with me. We left at 7:00 a.m. so we would be there in plenty of time to have a bite to eat before I had my appointment at 11:00 a.m. I didn't have to wait very long once I was signed in to see 2 different doctors. Both had questions and I had questions. They did an exam and I felt very informed when I got done. I had to have blood tests and I got to see the cancer cell I have on my MRI. That made it all more real to me after seeing that.

They want to do another test (scan) next Thursday and Friday so I will have to stay over night. This will be a radioactive scan so they will inject a radioactive dye in me. The test will take 1 1/2 hours and then I will go back the next day and have it again without the dye. I might as well plan on a nap during that time as long as it is going to take. They want to make sure they are right on their decision as to what type of cancer and how to treat it. They said they don't know what it is, never have seen one like this before.

I had many questions and will have more after the tests are done next week. I suppose they will want to start treatments after that week. I will be able to do it all in Mason City so that will be easier for us. They are working with my doctor in Mason City.

Dixie will be going with me again. I booked a motel room that gives a rate discount for hospital patients. We are going to make this an adventure and do some sight seeing after the test and just have a great time. God has given me this opportunity to be with people I love.

I am not going to tell you that I am not a little scared but I have a deep faith and God is walking me through this, step by step. He is guiding me and I feel his presence. I truly am not fearing it because I know he will be with me. I am not asking why me, I would rather it be me than my son. I want to be an example of how to be strong and have faith. I will take this one day at a time and cherish each day that I have.

God is bigger than cancer.

Second Opinion

Today I received my call for my appointment in Iowa City for a second opinion as to how to treat my cancer. Dr. Bate actually recommended it because he said this isn't normal (leave it to me). My appointment has been scheduled and I am registered so I just have to show up. I have faith that Dr. Bate knows what he is doing, God led me to him. I do want a second opinion since this is unusual. They have my records now and will be able to view the scans and MRI's that I have had.

I am not nervous about this. I have to deal with it and take charge of my health. I am keeping a positive attitude most of the time. As far as I am concerned when I do have a moment that I don't like the way I feel I know it is the devil working on me. I have to tell him to leave often. Don't you think he would get tired of me ignoring him and telling him to get out? God is bigger than him and my cancer.

My husband is going with me. He has been great and I know he always will be. He has put up with me all these years and still loves me. I can be a handful at times but I think I have mellowed out since this all came about. Some things that used to bother me really don't matter anymore.

Once again, thank you everyone for the support. I have been blessed.

Support & Understanding

Since I was diagnosed with cancer I have so many people that have shown support for me in so many ways. Cards, phone calls, emails, offers to take me to my chemo treatments, you name it. I am so grateful for everyone and I have so many friends that I didn't even know that care about me. God sure does know how to show us in times of need how much we are loved and cared for. He sends his earthly angels to be there for us.

Today I had the pleasure of eating lunch at work with another woman in our building at work that was diagnosed with breast cancer a few weeks before me. I never really talked with her much before but an occasional hello. She works for another company in our building but we share the same lunch room so our break is at the same time. She had surgery and they removed both breasts, tomorrow she starts chemo and they are going to do radiation. I wanted to call her over the weekend but could not find her phone number. I felt we have a great deal in common right now and could probably be of help to each other. She came back to work last week and really looks great.

I sat down with Jean and started to talk to her about how she was doing and then told her about me. Her face lit up and the words just flowed between us. Just like we have been close friends forever. She is further in her journey than I am but I think we will probably have lunch together every day that we can, when one of us isn't there it will be because we are on our week of chemo. You don't know how comforting it was to talk with someone who understands me and what I am going through. I know we can give each other support and a shoulder to lean on. We even had a good laugh about picking out wigs today, like we were going on a shopping spree.

So God has put us face to face with each other, but he has also shown me there are so many others that will give me support in ways that I can't even imagine yet. Life is amazing and I have so much to give to others also. Pay it forward is my motto.

The Process Begins

Today was the visit with my cancer doctor, Dr. Bate. All the tests have been done for now and he came to a conclusion as to what we are going to do. My husband came with and he was so glad he did. Dr. Bate is a very good doctor and Gordon really was impressed. Gordon has been and will be there for me throughout this process.

Good news is, there is no other spots to be found that they are looking at. The original cell and then 2 little spots on the liver are what will be treated. We had already decided that we wanted a second opinion just for our piece of mind. Before we even got the words out he said he was considering it himself because he just wants to be sure he is going in the right direction. We all decided Iowa City would be the best. Next week we will make the trip there and see what they have to say. Dr. Bate said he has not seen something like what I have (leave it to me to have something different than anyone else).

Surgery is out. It is located between the stomach and liver and is very hard to get to and it can't be removed. Radiation is out also because it would damage the stomach and liver. Chemo is the only option. He wants to go at it a little more aggressively than if I were 70 or 80 years old. Right now it looks like 3 days of chemo and then 18 off, another 3 days and 18 off. Then they will do scans and see if it is working. This is where you all come in now. PRAY hard that it works. If it does then another 4 more treatments like what I did before.

He did say there would be side effects. I can't tell you how scared that makes me, but I am positive this is all going to be fine. I know where my heart is and I know who is in charge of my life.

I had my first pneumonia shot today. He suggested it along with the flu shot which I get anyway. My immune system will not be working very good and they want you to be protected. I am taking supplements and doing all the healthy things I can to boost my immune system. I am eating very healthy and have a positive attitude. NO STINKING THINKING!

So hang on for the ride. I will count on everyone for support and prayers. I will need a ride now and then and I am going to take you up on it. One thing I have found out, I have friends I didn't even know I had and I am liking that.

Love you all!

Denise Goddess of Wine

Tomorrow I go back to Dr. Bate, the cancer doctor. I've had numerous tests and hopefully we are closer to finding out how to treat this. The thing is, I feel so healthy now, better than I have in a long time. I don't feel like there is cancer, nothing at all. Could I be in denial, could it just be a mistake on their part and I really don't have anything? I can only hope for the last part being their mistake.

If you pray at all, please pray for me tomorrow that they did make a mistake or this is just not as big a deal as they made it to be. I pray that I am already healed and on my way to health. God is bigger than cancer and I have turned this all over to him.

Whatever I do find out, I do know I have learned a lot about people during this time. We are all so different yet the same in many ways. God made us all different for a reason and we each have a story. Mine just happens to be cancer right now.

My friend Dixie called me today. We were talking about what our names mean. This is what my name means: Follower Of Dionysus (The God Of Wine).

Dionysus, Greek God
of Wine and Ecstasy

Dionysus, God of Wine,
Known by Many Names,
The Resurrection God,
The Wanderer, and The Wild Man
And Zagreus, the Underworld Dionysus.
The Greek god Dionysus is also
known as the Roman god Bacchus.

I have read that before, I really don't understand it. I hate wine and am allergic to it, so why would I follow someone like Dionysus. To me he sounded like a wild and crazy kind of person. I need to study more about that.

So what does this have to do with my cancer story--nothing. I just needed something else to talk about. I love finding the meaning of things and the truth so maybe it all does. I want to find the truth behind the diagnosis I have been given. I want to find out who, what, when, where, why and sometimes how it all happened. I will be going for a second opinion and the doctor will set that up tomorrow.

To sum it all up this is what has been decided with Dionysus:

The recurrent themes of life and death, run though the legends of Dionysus. They teach us that the journey from being the Divine Child to a fruitful kingship requires the "giving up" (death) of the old self and rebirth in a more mature form. The myths of the Greek god Dionysus remind us that the possibilities of intense, ecstatic experience (whether through alcohol, other drugs, dancing, or spiritual experience) include both a dark side with the potential for great harm to ourselves and others, as well as a bright potential for communion with others, including a greater power, and for works of healing.

Healing, that is what I am praying for.

More Tests

Today I had more tests done, MRI and Ultra Sound. Checking some spots to make sure there isn't anything going on. I am tired tonight, in fact I am going to bed now and it is only 7:30. The combination of stress and the pills I was given to relax me while having the MRI are making me very sleepy. I will visit with the doctor on Thursday so I will let you know more. Pray I am healed already.

I am blessed to have this really great young lady that is my neighbor who is able to help me and my husband when we need her. Brenda can do just about anything. She is such a beautiful young lady and has a great heart. She has been here for us during other times and is the best. Our other neighbor had an accident recently and she was there for him also. Brenda is an angel sent from God.

I have decided to get a second opinion about my cancer results. Dr. Bate said for my piece of mind he recommends it. Called my insurance and they said Mary Greeley in Ames has a great center and so does John Stoddard in Des Moines. Have any of you been there and can you give me a good recommendation?

If they say the same thing Dr. Bate does then I know that is the answer. I will do what is best for me and what I feel in my heart is best. I have turned this all over to God so he really is in charge.

I had another friend give me something today that might possibly help with my healing process and I thank Deb for it. I have such a great support team and people I don't even know are asking how they can help. Like I said before, I am blessed. I thank God for everybody.

So now back to trying to live a normal life until the next go around. By the way, what is normal?

Something Good is Going to Happen!

I don't know about you but I sure do feel that something good is about to happen! Don't know when and don't know what, but something is telling me to be ready for something great! So bring it on!

So what are you thankful for today? I have more than 5 things, but will only write down 5. If you look hard enough you will find them too. Here's mine, I would love to see yours also.

1. I am so proud of my niece Megan Pralle, she is my inspiration. If you ever need a picker upper from a down day she can help you out.
2. I organized all my bills and got them ready to be paid so now I don't have to worry about that.
3. A very dear friend loaned me a book that I want to read called "Your Life Follows Your Words" by Darlene Bishop.
4. I have friends who really care about me.
5. I feel healthy.

Guess that is all I am going to write about today. I can't wait to see what Miracles come my way.

Gratitude Journal

Got a call from the cancer doctors office, set up my MRI and ultra sound for next week. They will do an MRI on the adrenal glands because they look enlarged. The ultra sound will be on the uterus to see what the shadows are there. I pray both are okay. Then I meet with the cancer doctor on Thursday. I will know more then.

I want to thank everyone who has called, prayed, sent messages and just plain gave me a hug during these past weeks. I am so grateful to all of you. I don't want you to stop, I need it. It is good for my soul.

Everybody that is in my life in there for a reason. I think often about how come this person is in my life and the person walking down the street who I do not know has nothing to do with my life. I believe we are all put in the place we are meant to be. I try to make the best of my life. I want to be able to help others. I will continue to give of myself to help others but I do plan to take better care of Denise. Right now I need to be here for myself also.

Tonight before I go to bed I am going to write down 5 things that I am grateful for today. I know I can find 5 things if not more. I try to do this every night. These are the things I am grateful for today:

1. The softness of my dogs coat as I pet him and the look in his face of the love he has for me.
2. I managed to get my mother to the doctor and back safely and that what she needed checked is nothing to be too concerned about.
3. My support team of friends at work and home, I feel loved.
4. I had a job to go to today, so many people don't.
5. I talked to my grandchildren and son on the phone today, I love them so much.

You see that was easy. So could you come up with 5 things to be grateful for each day? Why not give it a try, you will be surprised what is out there. No matter how bad of a day you are having, you can find 5 things to be grateful for.

I am letting go of some of the worries that I used to have. I am finding peace in the quiet of my home. I am spending more time seeing things from others eyes. I am soaking it all in. I can't wait what I will see tomorrow

Life as I Once Knew It

Visited the cancer doctor today, I was in hopes that things would start rolling now so we could get this fixed. Boy was I wrong, he said there are some suspicious spots on uterus and adrenal glands that need to be looked at so I am having another MRI on these areas. The spot that they originally found is about 3 inches big, lays between liver and stomach. There is a spot on the liver also so will check this more also. He won't know how to treat this until I have an MRI and possibly more biopsies.

I asked if surgery was an option, NO. Radiation and chemo, now I really don't know if that is what I want. I am scared of it. I want to be positive but I have heard so many stories about both and literally I am scared.

The doctor did say that he is not offended by asking for a second opinion and said if he can't do anything or figure it out he will send me somewhere else.

Doctor is calling it small cell carcinoma. Linking it to lung cancer. What the heck is with that? I don't smoke. Only thing is I have been exposed to second hand smoke and a lot of it was when I worked as a waitress and smoking was allowed and there was a lot of it. I did that for many years. My parents both smoked, my husband does but not around me.

Life as I once knew it has changed. It will be forever different than it was a month ago before I had the scan. I have a whole new vocabulary to learn that deals with cancer, something I had not paid a lot of attention to in the past because I have had no one in my family with cancer.

I would like to wake up and find that this was all a nightmare. I have been trying to stay calm and positive but today was not one of those days. I wanted answers and a fix for it. My feelings are anger right now. Why me? I live a healthy lifestyle and take care of myself. I am angry because I wanted answers, I am angry because this is going to be a burden on my family, I am angry because I don't know how we are going to afford this.

My initial thoughts are I don't want to do anything. Let it run its course. Friends were calling me and I just wanted to be alone in my own thoughts. I haven't digested this enough. I know I will do what I have to but I sure don't want others to have to suffer because of me. Aren't I the one who makes it all better?

I got in my car and drove around a bit. I cried and talked to God. I need some answers from him. I can't move on with this until we get some answers how they are going to treat it.

Life as I once knew it will never be the same again.